On October 24, I will appear on Red Eye on the Fox News Channel to discuss zombies and other scary things. Red Eye is the Fox News Channel’s overnight show, which I think runs from 3am-4am EST. I am excited about the appearance, as I haven’t done much TV.
I think you’re not supposed to say that Fox News is “the conservative news network,” especially if you’re going to be appearing on it, but I think that there are many ways in which conservative politics are strongly aligned with the politics of zombies.
To wit, conservatives and zombies:
- Are both in favor of less government intervention–whether it’s liberal senators who want to “tax rich people” or federal anti-zombie shock troops who want to “destroy all zombies on sight using machine guns and rocket propelled grenades” so they will be”wiped out forever.” Both zombies and conservatives see big government as way too involved in their lives (or “lives”).
- Are both in favor of less regulation. So what if a factory owner would rather not pay his workers a minimum wage, ensure that they have safe working conditions, or be censured when the products produced in his factories “kill people.” It’s his factory, so it’s none of your business, federal government!! Right? Zombies likewise get annoyed when the government wants to “intervene” and “regulate” the eating of people. What business it is of Washington D.C. if I want to eat a guy’s brain in Pittsburgh? C’mon dude, just get the government off our backs.
- Both style themselves the victims of a liberal media bias–whether it’s Keith Olberman characterizing false statements as “lies,” or a live-remote news reporter calling an approaching group of zombies a “murderous threat to humanity” and a “danger to all that is good and decent.” It’s like, woah, you’re being super-biased there, Mr. Reporter. Whatever happened to being objective? Weren’t you supposed to learn that stuff in journalism school?
- Both are for state’s rights. Especially the right to eat somebody’s brain.
Anyhow, tune in on October 24 to see what happens!!